I’m not really that lonely, but I am pretty sad. There’s always a bit of post-marathon blues when you run, but after the hype and excitement of this race, the entire Boston area goes into a blue state of funk after. At least it feels that way to us. For as long and as cold as this winter was, I almost want it back, just so I can be training for Boston again. But, what’s done is done, the race is indeed over and it’s time to recover, rebound and get ready for the next battle. I feel a lot of emotions, I suppose referencing them in the title gives that away though, but beyond the sadness there are a few other thoughts that have prevailed in the past 24 hours. In no particular order, here they are:
1. I’m not going to race Boston again next year, or for awhile after that most likely. I’m not sick of it and I’m not mad about anything, but I do have a few reasons for this. I want to truly race Boston and I’ve not successfully mastered the course or marathons in general (I doubt any ever fully does) so I won’t return just yet.
2. I’d like to cut a lot more time off my marathon best and I am absolutely convinced that I can. I feel like I trained very well for this one and then still managed to race stupid in a couple of ways. I didn’t fully plan out my pacing and was still kind of making it up as I went. (another reason to race other courses when chasing times, you just can’t run consistent splits here) I also skipped taking in any fuel besides a little Gatorade until after the halfway point. Why didn’t I fuel earlier? I don’t know, ask the me who isn’t running a marathon and I can give you no answer. I did eat two gels, one at halfway and one at 16 and Gatorade at every mile or every other mile until the finish from 15 miles on or so. As I said, I felt the wind and it scared me into going slower from the start, which was probably for the best, but I was mentally unprepared for any pace besides my goal overall pace.
3. To PR on any day does hold some satisfaction, as does not fading and dying completely. On none of my 5k splits did I average slower than 6 minute miles and therefore accomplished a goal I set as a lifetime objective when I ran my first marathon, to one day run at sub 6 pace. I am ticked that I held 5:47 pace for much of the race before letting the hills and wind get to me mentally when I just started grinding on from mile 16. I cringe and want to yell in frustration when I look at my splits and it appears that I completely slowed down when I hit the Newton hills, because I wanted to believe that my training would have prevented me doing that. But I’m also taking heart in the fact that it wasn’t a mental lack of composure that caused it, I was just well and truly losing energy from fighting with the weather and whatever else.
4. It’s only been 3.5 years since my first marathon and I’ve cut off 54 minutes from that first 3:31. I would be more than satisfied with my current PR even one year ago, but right now it seems thoroughly slow and unsatisfactory and I’m happy that it feels that way. You can call me selfish or arrogant or anything else, but I don’t believe that’s true. I honestly believe that I can run much faster and I’m going to keep racing marathons until I no longer find them fun, which leads me to thought number five.
5. As negative as the above thoughts may sound, I really did enjoy the entire experience. Boston Marathon weekend is one of the most exciting and fun times of the year around here and this year was even more fun for me than last. Though my bank account may be unhappy with Tracksmith, I am feeling quite comfy! I’ve allowed myself to binge on foods that I wasn’t eating much of in training over the past day, which also holds some passing pleasure. I really did have a lot of fun in the race, even when I was grinding away in the final miles of the race and knew that I was far from reaching my goal time. At 24.something I thought “Why are you doing this?” And the answer immediately popped into my head “Because you’re having fun, more fun than anyone should have in this much pain!” I smiled at the thought and then noticed the clock at 25 miles, it read 2:30 something, I had officially missed my goal, with 1.2 miles to go still. I somehow finished the last 1.2 in only 7 minutes or so, even though it didn’t feel like my legs were responding when I told them to pick up the pace
6. I hate making or using any excuses, but I cannot ignore or downplay how difficult it was for me to run into the constant headwind and occasional large gusts and passing hard showers. I’m not sure how much ‘time was added on’ due to the weather, but I’m willing to bet that had I not been working so hard to come even close to goal pace in the first 16, I would have better dealt with the terrain in the end.
7. I really miss the grind of running higher mileage and big workouts and having to plan my days around it already. My taper was a little more aggressive than planned with the plantar issues and I have only had one day off post marathon so far, but I’m really itching to get back in the saddle already. I love training as much as I love racing and after this winter I really want just once this year, just one stinking time, to run a long workout that I can actually hit the paces I’m targeting without having AWFUL weather screw it up. So far, no such occurrence has presented itself, but it feels like spring might actually stick this time, so here’s to warm evening track workouts and early morning weekend long runs! I am ready to build off this marathon to keep chasing my dreams.
I usually try to do some kind of write up on each marathon so I can refer back to it for future training, but I think this will do for Boston 2015. I have no desire right now to go over the race mile by mile, since I stopped looking at splits and just ran by all-out-whatever-I-could-push-and-still-hope-to-finish-effort by about half way through. One last word though, my pre-race half written post, Twas the Night Before the Party turned out to be completely true and I’m quite happy with that. I truly did give it my all. I saw stars a few times on the final run down Boylston Street and was totally exhausted and spent at the finish line.
I’m still pretty amped up at 2AM the second night after the race and the words I posted on Facebook when I got home last night are still ringing around in my head and fist pumping the crowd in there…
If you’re dreams aren’t so big they scare you, yet keep you up with the excitement of chasing them and not the fear of reaching them, it’s time to reevaluate. The #sisuUP spirit was felt today and now it’s time to go full Viking warrior mode and start seeking new lands and chasing better plunder!